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There’s A First Time For Everything
Can’t talk long. I’m reporting live from Churchill Downs, where Super Saver just claimed this year’s Kentucky Derby. I didn’t have any money on the winner — never in hell would I bet on a horse with...
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I’ll Have A Cinco De Tequila, Too
Any holiday that invites observers to overindulge in margaritas, Mexican food, and fireworks is okay in my book. As a result, I have no reservations in wishing you a very happy Cinco de Mayo....
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My Son Is An Idiot
“Montgomery?” I said to my butler shortly after returning from work this afternoon. “Why is there a hirsute Asian lad reading Jughead comic books at the dining room table?” “Wot wot?” Montgomery...
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Sorry, I Thought It Was A Different Kind Of Wednesday Altogether
Well, there’s a considerable amount of egg on my face today — and absolutely zero cloth on my ass. The reason? Let’s just say my longstanding devotion to OxyContin hasn’t done any wonders for my...
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Once, Twice, Three Times A Loser
I received a call from failed Republican presidential candidate and former Libtardchusetts governor Mitt Romney earlier today, asking me to meet him in the city for a late lunch at Gramercy Tavern....
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Congratulations To Pope Francis I
Transcript of phone call placed on March 14, 2013 at 3:47 a.m. local time to the Vatican residence of the overrated new Pope, Francis I: [Repeated ringing.] Pope Francis: Hola! Usted está hablando con...
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H Is For Hank
Is For Hank I received a collect call last night from my close, personal friend Hank Williams Jr. Considering that today’s “A to Z April Challenge” topic was required to start with an “H,” his timing...
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You Down With DJT? Yeah You Know Me
“The Gout,” by James Gillray Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather...
View ArticleThe Trump Train Keeps A Rollin’
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one...
View ArticleI Can’t Believe What My Eyes Are Seeing
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the...
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